And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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