The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
