before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You need Xanax blowdarts
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
