So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
