hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
