My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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