Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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