You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
be right there i have to get my cape
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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