I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
