You're my little dorito
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
