EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
