to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
