and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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