He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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