i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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