She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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