3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
