I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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