Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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