he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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