How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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