If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
