member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
