Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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