Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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