Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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