please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
