Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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