We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
