umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
