Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
