...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
