I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
