When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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