I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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