I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
