Me too!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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