she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
