i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
