Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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