The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
