Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize