you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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