My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
