I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
