here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
