is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
