I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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