The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
