Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
