well I can't set my house on fire every night
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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