Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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