She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
