I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
