i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
