I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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