I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
