you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
