I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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