Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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