also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.