Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.